She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
