I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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