Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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