I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
