Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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