I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
