i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
