Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
