make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
