You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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