When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize