what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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