He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
