There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize