I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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