worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize