At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
