i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
