I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
