I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
