So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
