The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You work out of a Hotel?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
