The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
