What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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