he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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