the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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