I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
