i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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