Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
