we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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