You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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