and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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