I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
