nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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