happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
