Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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