I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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