i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
