I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize