I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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