Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
