Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
