I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
worst night to have a conscience
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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