Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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