what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Even my vagina gasped.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
