can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
