Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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