i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
