4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize