if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You're like the curious george of whores
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
