At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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