i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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