YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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