I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
