I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
