dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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