Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
