She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
