When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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