Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
