I'm lost and stupid without you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
