Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize