It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
