So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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