Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
