he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
