i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
