He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
