Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
