I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dicks are not precious.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
