she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
