I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
