he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize