He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
