he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
