i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
