the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
