oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
