hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize