The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
