We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mom said you looked used
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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