Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
