I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
