Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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