If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
