im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my shit smells like andre
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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